During the days when I taught high school English, I used to say that my idea of hell was being in a roomful of teenagers all screaming, “Do we have to?” It was a question that often erupted after I gave a challenging assignment.
Questions are such a common part of everyday communication that most people don’t give much thought to them. I’d like to suggest that you to pay more attention.
I started to do so when I noticed that a popular television talk show host seemed to turn the most fascinating guests into complete bores. As I watched more closely, I discovered that his questions often led to dead ends, giving his guests no place to go or no story to tell.
People who have charisma, who draw others to themselves, usually have a reputation for being good listeners. Part of their secret, it seems to me, is that they ask great questions to begin with and then give their full attention to the answer, prodding and encouraging when necessary.
They make people feel valued because they listen to the answers.
Asking good questions isn’t just a way to win friends and influence people, however. It’s an overlooked key to success.
Not all questions are illuminating. Many, in fact, stop us dead in our tracks. “How are you going to do that?” or “Why haven’t I gotten farther?” are the kinds of questions that lead us down the path of doubt, not dreams.
Learning to ask better questions of ourselves can get us headed in the right direction and keep us moving forward.
Mark Victor Hansen and Robert Allen, the authors of The One Minute Millionaire, point out that when we ask the wrong questions we condemn ourselves to living below our potential. They write, “If you ask yourself, ‘How do I earn or create a million dollars?’ your mind goes to work to discover the answer. Your mind is compelled to work ceaselessly until a satisfactory answer is found.
“Note that most individuals ask themselves questions like these: ‘How do I get a job, salary or work?’ or ‘Can I earn $50,000 doing this?’ The wrong question will generate the wrong result or a less than outstanding outcome.
“Questions predetermine the answer. The size of your question determines the size of your answer. Few people ever ask million-dollar earning, inventing, innovating, generating and creating questions.”
If you keep a journal or idea notebook, start making a list of provocative questions you’d like answered in your own life. Ask them in the most compelling way you can think of.
For example, “How can I deliver the most fabulous service possible?” is a lot more intriguing than, “How can I give better service?”
Consider questions about spirituality, relationships, personal growth and improving the overall quality of life, as well as questions about creating the most brilliant business possible.
Keep adding to the list and leave room after each question for the answers to come. Be willing, also, to be patient in receiving your answers.
As writer Zora Neale Hurston reminds us, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” The important thing is to ask the best questions to begin with—the ones that are worthy of your dreams.
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