Rewards for the Genuinely Curious

People who spend their days interacting the with same people over and over again often find it  difficult to open a conversation with anyone they don’t already know.

It’s always surprising, for instance, to watch a seminar room fill up and notice how few people greet their fellow learners. How could you not be curious, I wonder, about others who are about to share a learning adventure with you?

When we don’t reach out to others, we are literally ignoring the largest natural resource that we have—the potential of other humans. We also become less trusting and more cynical.

When we are genuinely curious about others, however, we may find inspiration when we least expect it.

A few years ago, a plumber came to make some repairs in my apartment. As he was fixing my dishwasher, I asked him if he worked exclusively for the property owner.

He spun around and said, “No! I own my own business.” I feared I had insulted him. He opened his jacket and showed me his t-shirt which bore the name and logo of his company as proof.

“So how long have you worked for yourself?” I asked. I expected a brief reply, but what I got was a fascinating story.

Lee had been studying veterinary medicine, he said, when his wife died in a boating accident. Since he had two young children, he found being a full-time student and caring for them too difficult.

When he dropped out of college, a friend, who owned a small apartment building, offered to give them a place to live in exchange for some handyman work. “That was the last apartment I ever lived in,” Lee told me.

He decided to buy a run down house, moved in with his kids, fixed it up and sold it for a nice profit. Then he did it again—and again.

Along the way, he decided to learn about investing and put some of his profits into the stock market. He did very well at that, too. Meanwhile, his plumbing/handyman business grew alongside these other ventures.

“Until two years ago, I didn’t even have a listed telephone number,” he laughed. “My business just kept growing by referrals and word of mouth.”

Then he looked thoughtful. “I guess I could retire, but why should I? I love driving around in my truck with all my tools. And I get to learn new things all the time. That thing I just did to your dishwasher? I’ve never done that before!” He was beaming as he made his confession.

That little conversation with someone who was so obviously joyfully about being self-employed kept me going all day. And I’m willing to bet that my genuine curiosity about Lee’s life made his day better, too.

Learning to be comfortable in the presence of strangers has benefits beyond merely making the day a bit more pleasant: it can have a positive impact on our mental health.

Psychologist Alfred Adler observed, “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injuries to others.”

Think about that for a moment and I’m guessing you can think of someone who fits Adler’s description.

Being at ease with a wide range of people is a skill worth cultivating. It can lead to opportunities you never imagined and to connections with people who make life richer.

Why wouldn’t you want to reach out when the rewards are so big?

 

 

Do Talk to Strangers

Author Bill Bryson talks about being on a train and thinking about fellow travel writer Paul Theroux writing about the fascinating conversations he has with strangers. This seemed to perplex Bryson because he found it difficult to strike up conversations with traveling Brits.

That got me thinking about a short conversation with an enthusiastic traveler who confessed that he found it difficult to talk to strangers and wondered how I did it.

Since my Do Talk To Strangers Policy is a vital component of traveling—and being entrepreneurial—I started to consider how I actually go about it. I realized that some of it is purely intuitive.

For instance, when a stranger plunks down next to me on an airplane, I take a breath, take a look and see if I’m moved to start a conversation. Most of the time I get it right. Once in a while, I know  from my opening question that my seatmate is inclined toward solitude and I stop there.

Whether you’re standing in line at the post office or waiting for a train, here are a few ideas to help you uncover the fascinating folks around you.

° Make it a game. Decide ahead of time that you want to find an interesting story or inspiring stranger. I have been on long flights that seemed to pass in a moment  because I had landed next to a great storyteller. I consider that a fine compensation for the annoyances of contemporary travel.

° Don’t wait. Instigate. Be willing to be the one who takes the first step. A friendly smile is a good way to test the water. If it’s not reciprocated, move on.

° Look for common ground. I often open a conversation with a compliment or observation about something the stranger is wearing or carrying or something that’s happening around us.

When I hopped into a London taxi that was covered in promotional material for the Rolling Stones, I suspected I had a fascinating chat ahead of me. And I did.

I learned that my driver was the only cab in the city promoting the Stones, that he earned an extra £750 a year by putting advertising on his cab, and that he’d once advertised for the South African Tourist Board and got a free trip to that country as a bonus. He was hoping he might get tickets to a Stones concert this time around.

° Be politely curious. Our reluctance to talk to strangers may be caused by thinking it’s about us. Wrong. It’s about them. Yes, you might be subjected to a tedious story now and then, but it’s worth the risk.

One of my most memorable conversations was with a young man who was a linguistic professor who spoke seven languages. When I learned that, I asked him the best way to learn a language and his reply was, “Be a kid.” I laughed and asked, “What’s the second best ?”

The answer to that question—and many more—kept us chatting from Minneapolis to Los Angeles. I learned a lot and enjoyed his willingness to share his linguistic passion.

Those are the moments that keep me talking to strangers who unknowingly enrich my life.  And like everything else, it gets easier with practice.

 

 

Think You Need a Business Degree to Start a Business? Think Again

Note: This is the final post in my Fellow Travelers series. It seemed appropriate to visit a few fellow travelers from my own neighborhood.

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As I was going through some articles I had clipped, one in particular caught my eye because at first glance I wasn’t entirely sure why I’d kept it. It was an article titled “Dreaming Big” from my hometown paper, the Las Vegas Review Journal.

The article was a roundup of ten people chosen by the newspaper’s editors and entertainment writers as the movers, shakers, and visionaries who are making an impact upon entertainment as we know it. The article included a photograph of each person along with a short bio.

As I looked through the list, I saw exactly why I’d saved it. There was Cirque du Soleil founder Guy Laliberte, of course, whose educational credentials list “no formal education beyond high school.” But that’s now what originally got my attention. Here’s what caught my eye:

Steve Wynn, Casino developer—Education: Bachelor of arts degree in English literature

Robert Reynolds, Band Manager of the Killers—Education: Bachelor of arts degree in English

Glenn Schaeffer, CEO of Fountainbleu Resorts—Education: Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in literature and Master of Fine Arts degree in fiction from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop

But there’s more about Schaeffer that is unique. According to the article, “A longtime casino executive, Schaeffer used his money and his literature background to make Las Vegas an important fixture in the literary world. In 2000, he was the force behind establishing Las Vegas as the first US City of Asylum, a project that gives oppressed writers a place to live and work after fleeing their homelands.”

Go English majors!

I’m pretty sure that nobody at the University of Pennsylvania told Steve Wynn that his degree in English literature would be the ideal path to revolutionizing the hotel industry in Las Vegas. Nevertheless, Wynn’s fascination with art, literature and entertainment all played a role in his bringing a new aesthetic and class to his entrepreneurial activity.

That, of course, is what the creative revolutionary does: makes connections and finds inspiration in disparate things. Out of that unique experience and insight, something new is born.

What these bold dreamers also show us is that our formal education doesn’t have to limit us, but can add another dimension to far flung activities. Take an inventory of your own past training and experience and see what you’ve learned and mastered that can be put to work in new and innovative ways. You may surprise yourself as you discover that you’ve been gathering all kinds of tools and insights that would astonish your guidance counselors who forgot to tell you that the joyfully jobless life was the perfect option for you.

Would Winning the Lottery Make a Difference?

On the morning of August 25, 1997, the big story on the morning news shows was the Powerball lottery drawing happening that evening. For the first time ever, a lottery jackpot had reached the $300,000,000 mark. Lines were forming outside convenience stores, people were planning a lavish future. A mathematician assured the Today Show interviewer that someone would absolutely win based on the finite combination of numbers..

Although I’m not a lottery player most of the time, I decided that if I didn’t buy a ticket or two I’d miss the excitement when the drawing rolled around that evening. I purchased five tickets, I recall, and didn’t give it further thought until the big moment. 

Sitting in front of my television, I laid out the tickets and began checking them as the numbers were called. One of my tickets matched the first number drawn. Then the second, the third, the fourth, and the fifth. Then the Powerball number was called and it wasn’t a match for me. I thought I was going to throw up. 

Several minutes later, I called my friend John, a regular lottery player, to share my trauma. He commiserated with me and then cheerfully pointed out that I had won $5000. Moments earlier, I had lost $300,000,000. Now $5000 felt like a huge windfall.

The next day I drove to the Minnesota Lottery office and claimed my prize. I was giddy.

I had my picture taken holding a gigantic check with my name on it. I promptly deposited the actual check into my sabbatical account. Less than two years later, I was  enjoying eight months of travel and discovery. Traveling first class would not have enriched the experience one bit.

I hadn’t thought about this little episode until a month or so ago when someone reminded me of it. “Do you ever think about how your life would be different if you had won all that money?” he asked. I told him that I hadn’t ever done that and couldn’t imagine that I’d be doing anything other than what I do now. He seemed skeptical.

Honestly, I hadn’t told him the truth. I had considered what winning that money meant and realized that had I become the recipient of this huge fortune, my time would have shifted to being a full-time money manager. But that wasn’t the worst part of it. How could I have maintained any credibility in helping folks become self-reliant and self-employed? I would have forfeited my platform.

One of my all-time favorite episodes of the Actor’s Studio is the one with Dustin Hoffman. At the end of the show, a student asks him what he would be doing if he wasn’t a movie actor. Hoffman teared up and gives a passionate answer (which I’m paraphrasing here.) He points out that his movie career, while bringing him fame and fortune, was a bit of a fluke. If that hadn’t happened, he says, he’d be teaching theater  in a college in the northwest or acting in community theater somewhere in the country. “I cannot not do this.”

It’s a sentiment echoed by Elizabeth Gilbert who points out that while the success of Eat, Pray, Love was thrilling, she would be equally devoted to writing had it not happened.

Could it be that it’s not about size, scale or success? Could it be–at least in the well-lived life–simply about the doing? You don’t need $300,000,000 for that.

Good Business is About Philosophy, Not Geography

In June 2005, I spent a week with my three sisters, brother and brother-in-law in England’s gorgeous Cotwolds. We rented a charming house from the enterprising Berrisfords, who own several guest cottages on an old farmstead. They were just the first entrepreneurs we were to meet during our stay.

About three miles from the house we were renting, was the tiny hamlet of Awre which boasted a few houses, a large church and the Red Hart Inn. We decided to have dinner there on Father’s Day. A friendly woman named Marcia sat us at our table. Marcia explained that she was one of the owners and didn’t usually wait on tables, but had given the day off to some of her staff so they could be with their fathers. She then charmed us with a story about the pub’s resident ghost.

As we waited for our food, I noticed a sheet of paper on the table which listed the names of every person who worked in the business as well as all the local suppliers that provided meat, produce and ice cream to the business. It was more like a playbill than something you’d expect to see in a restaurant. I began to wonder why more eating establishments didn’t introduce their staff this way.

When our food arrived, it was obvious that the remote Red Hart had attracted a talented chef—and a pastry chef who made the best brownies we’d ever eaten.

Later in the week we returned for a second visit and and were disappointed when didn’t find the brownies on the menu. Marcia was sympathetic and explained that they liked to rotate their offerings. At the end of our meal, the shy young pastry chef appeared at our table and gave me a handwritten copy of his sensational brownie recipe.

As we learned, the Red Hart Inn wasn’t the only business that was happily operating in this rural area. We kept encountering small businessowners in all of the villages and small towns that we visited. Even touristy gift shops proudly advertised local products like fudge and ice cream. It was a vivid reminder that the entrepreneurial spirit can and does flourish anywhere and everywhere. And, obviously, they delighted in promoting their area small businesses.

I’ve learned a lot about the role of philosophy in business from the late Anita Roddick, founder of The Body Shop chain. Here’s some advice she shared about starting a business:

There are no rules or formulas for success. You just have to live it and do it. Knowing this gives us enormous freedom to experiment. Believe me, it’s a crazy, complicated journey. It’s trial and error. It’s quite literally, “Let’s try lots of this stuff and see how it works.”

My thinking was forged in the 1960s and in those days I would rather have slit my wrists than work in a corporation. So we had no organizational chart, no one-year, five-year plan. What we did have was management by our common values.

Entrepreneurs want to create a livelihood from an idea that has obsessed them. Money will grease the wheels, but becoming a millionaire is not the aim of a true entrepreneur. In fact, most entrepreneurs I know don’t give a damn about the accumulation of money. What gets their juices going is seeing how far an idea can go.

Geography has nothing to do with that.

The Secret of Magnetism

Enthusiasm is a cultivated emotion, it seems to me. It also seems that many people haven’t experienced that emotion for a long time and have no idea how magnetic enthusiasm can be. When you’re passionate about something and not afraid to show it, opportunities have a way of appearing when you least expect them.

I was reminded of this simple truth one day as I was checking out some books on London at my library. The librarian asked me if I was planning a trip. “Oh,” I laughed, “I’m always planning one or coming back from one.” She smiled and said her daughter had spent a year studying in London. During that time, my librarian friend visited and loved the city. That was all the invitation I needed to start a rollicking conversation. I quizzed her on what her favorite sights had been.

Before I knew it, two other librarians had moved closer and were eavesdropping on our conversation. I began telling them that one of my favorite spots was the manuscript room in the British Library. As I was going on about the treasures there, one of them piped up and said, “Do you lead tours? I want to go with you.” I could have signed her up on the spot had I been planning such an excursion.

If your enthusiasm level has dwindled, take responsibility for filling it up again. Stay away from dreary people. Read things that inspire you. Find something every day to get excited about and share it with someone—even a stranger. You never know what opportunity might be looking for you and just needs your enthusiasm to issue the invitation so it can land on your doorstep.

Enthusiasm is the most important single factor in making a person creative. ~ Robert E. Mueller

Here’s a interesting article on the 11 Traits of Highly Creative People.

And here’s another on how to Travel for a Year on $14,000.

The Courage of Leaving Early

 

When I left my job as a high school English and speech teacher after five years in the classroom, I was barraged with questions. These were not the questions of encouraging creative thinkers, but ran more along the line of, “How can you throw away your education?” “How can you throw away your security?” “How can you give up your benefits?” (For the record: when I left teaching I closed my teacher’s retirement account and bought my first colored television. There was no money left over.) 

Quitting a job is an invitation for the dreambashers to speak up, but they’re considerably louder when what you’re leaving isn’t merely a job, but a career that you’ve invested time and money to train for. 

One of the most poignant calls I’ve ever received came from a young man who had read Making a Living Without a Job. He introduced himself by saying he was a pre-med student and was purposely flunking out of medical school. Before he went farther with his story, I said, “I think you’re courageous.” I was pretty sure nobody else had told him that. He went on to say his family had disowned him and no one was speaking to him. He said my book had been very helpful in getting him past all the anger.

“Do you know what you love?” I asked. He didn’t hesitate for a moment. “France,” he said. He sounded wistful.

“Do you speak French?” Of course, he did and said that was why he was calling me. He had an idea about starting a business to do medical translations. Did I think it was valid?

“Only if you want to be forced to take regular trips to France and make a lot of money,” I replied. 

I have no idea if he followed his dream, but I hope so. I thought of him again when I was teaching What Would an Entrepreneur Do? in Madison last month. One of the participants was a man whose name I knew because he was a subscriber to Winning Ways. I didn’t know his story, however.

During the course of the seminar, he told us that he had left his medical practice as a pediatric ophthalmologist. “It was fun at the beginning,” he explained, “but once I had mastered various procedures, it lost its charm.” 

What I found fascinating about his story was the fact that when he left medicine he was working in a large clinic. When news got out about his changing direction, he received numerous e-mails from fellow doctors who obviously envied his courage, courage which they lacked. 

The fact that we’ve invested time and money in a dream we then outgrew is not reason enough to stick with it. I know that’s not a popular notion, but it’s one that needs to be challenged. When it comes to matters of the heart, we not only need to follow the promptings of our own: we need to encourage others to do the same. There’s simply no possibility of creating a world that works for everyone if we refuse. 

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I am currently reading and loving Hugh McLeod’s cheeky Ignore Everybody: And 39 Other Keys to Creativity. Here’s a tiny sampling: “The more you practice your craft, the less you confuse worldly rewards with spiritual rewards, and vice versa. Even if your path never makes any money or furthers your career, that’s still worth a ton.”

Have You Found Your Feather?

Today my sister Margaret is headed to the garment district in Los Angeles on a field trip for her business. I know she’ll return with all sorts of treasures that will take on a new life in one of her hair ornaments.

Yesterday she participated in a bridal show, introducing brides to her Over the Top Fascinators. Since starting her business earlier this year, Margaret has acquired feathers, jewels, fabrics and combs of all shapes and sizes. She’s also acquired two rescue dogs that need a lot of attention. Happily, she can combine both in her living room.

A few days ago, she and I were having one of our frequent Skype chats (where she often shows me the latest creations she’s working on) and for some reason the conversation turned to the subject of resumes and cover letters. Margaret suddenly looked thoughtful and said, “I’d be working on my resume right now if I hadn’t found the feather.” 

“If I Hadn’t Found the Feather could be the title of your autobiography,” I joked. She laughed, too, but is quite aware that this happy enterprise has made a huge difference in her life. Her perpetual enthusiasm is downright contagious.

Like many wonderful enterprises, this one seemed almost accidental. Last fall, Margaret’s daughter had a friend who was getting married. Alexis, the bride, asked Margaret to make a fascinator for her to wear at the wedding. I’m not sure if Margaret knew much about fascinators at the time (I was oblivious until she introduced me), but she found the experience so delightful that she bought a few feathers, some veiling and began creating a few more. Then she had some new ideas and turned those into hair ornaments. Suddenly, she was headed in a new direction.

Margaret’s daughter Gretchen shared her enthusiasm and offered to build a Web site for her. Gretchen rounded up some friends and a photographer and scheduled a photo shoot. In its brief lifetime,  Over the Top Fascinators has had disappointments and detours, but Margaret’s passion has moved it right past those interruptions. 

Watching my youngest sister evolve as an entrepreneur got me thinking about tiny Bhutan, a small country in the Himalayas. Bhutan is an unlikely place for the birth of an international trend, yet its policy of determining success based on Gross National Happiness has gotten the attention of leaders from around the world. The term was coined by Bhutan’s King Jigme Singye Wangchuck, when he ascended the throne in 1972. GNH defines prosperity based on spiritual well-being and environmental responsibility rather than consumption. 

Imagine that…building prosperity that takes into account personal happiness and well-being. And to think it could start with finding the feather.

More Fellow Travelers To Meet

Haven’t I been telling you that self-employment is the best personal growth seminar ever invented? Pamela Rutledge has written a terrific piece that is on the Psychology Today’s Web site called  The Positive Psychology of Entrepreneurship which affirms what I’ve been saying. If you need another reason to be joyfully jobless, see what she has to say. It’s my favorite find of the week.

Siblings Megan and Chris Hurley have a terrific Web site called Finding Benjamin which aims to teach kids about money. They share ideas for business ventures kids can start. And they’re looking for article contributions.

If you’ve been paying any attention, you know that I’m a huge fan of Twitter, which enriches my life every day. Simply don’t understand folks’ reluctance to get into the conversation. However, if at first glance it looks like a high school popularity contest, read this sane article,  The Value of Twitter Followers: Quality Over Quantity which opens with this observation, “Twitter followers have become the status symbol of 2009, but how valuable are they, really? I think we’re placing too much importance on the numbers and paying far too little attention to the actual reasons why followers can be valuable to us.” By all means, take a look at this article and, if you haven’t done so, give Twitter a chance.

I’ve long been fascinated by meaningful coincidences, so I took note when I had not one, but two, requests to do radio interviews arrive within an hour of each other. This was the invitation that came first:

I’m sure you won’t remember me, but my name is Holland Cooke, and I attended your  seminar “Making A Living Without A Job” in Washington DC.

YOU CHANGED MY LIFE…and I’m hoping you’ll let me return the favor.

I’ve been HAPPILY without-a-full-time-employer since January 1, 1995.

Mostly, I’m a media consultant, specializing in talk radio.  And soon, I’ll be moonlighting ON talk radio, when I guest-host the syndicated Jim Bohannon Show on 300+ stations, Monday 7/27 and Tuesday 7/28.  As you may know, Jim took over what-used-to-be The Larry King Show, when Larry moved from radio to TV years ago.

I’m writing to invite you to appear with me.

Back in the 80s, curious-and-entrepreneurial-as-I-was, your book and topic were of REAL interest to me personally.  Now…times-being-what-they-are-economically, I think your message means more than ever, to everybody…and I think it’d be a great hour of radio, outlining some of the principles you told our seminar way-back-when, and fielding listeners’ calls.

The next invitation was from Terri in MN, a woman who had attended a workshop of mine there a couple of years ago. She now has her own radio show. It delights me to get these invites from former students who are giving me a nice opportunity to talk about my favorite subject. 

Summer is the  time of year to catch up on my reading. I have uncovered some real treasures and will be writing about some of them in Winning Ways. One of my new favorites is The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. It’s not a perfect book (he spends way too much time telling us what he’s going to tell us), but it’s basic concepts are revolutionary.

In many ways this book is a challenge to live our lives from a different state of awareness. The chapter on Time is astonishing, but there’s a line from the book I can’t stop thinking about:

The art of commitment should really be called the art of recommitment. Commitment gets you started and propels you through the early stages of any game, but it’s recommitment that ignites your reserves when you feel like you’re going to give up.

An Eclectic Entrepreneur

In earlier times—the Renaissance, for example—it was assumed that people were capable of mastering many things. No one was accused of being a dilettante if they wrote poetry, ran a business, composed music, spoke several languages and fought a war or two. It was truly a self-fulfilling assumption since many people developed and enjoyed multiple talents and occupations.

Although modern times have been less than encouraging, more of us are questioning the notion that we’re only suited for a single path. When we were both speakers at a conference, I met a delightful man who has ignored  the single career option and instead shares his passions in numerous ways . Here’s part of his biography:

“Bruce Richardson is a musician, innkeeper, writer and tea entrepreneur who has introduced a state known for bourbon to the grand celebration of afternoon tea. With his wife Shelley, Bruce has transformed a 150-year-old Greek Revival mansion into what travel writers commonly refer to as Kentucky’s premier tea room.

“In 1990, when Shelley and Bruce restored Perryville’s historic Elmwood Inn as their home, they included bed and breakfast accommodations and a tea room. Within five years, they ceased taking overnight visitors to concentrate completely on their tea business.

“After numerous requests from Elmwood’s customers, they began organizing their recipes into books. Their first book, A Year of Teas at the Elmwood Inn, was followed by a second volume, A Tea for All Seasons. Bruce also authored The Great Tea Rooms of Britain and The Great Tea Rooms of America.  In addition, he did the photography for Elizabeth Knight’s Tea in the City: New York.

“In 1995, Bruce and Shelley founded Elmwood Inn Fine Teas, the gourmet food division which sells to gourmet stores in the US and eight foreign countries.

“An ordained minister, he also served as mayor of Perryville, KY; was founder and director of the Danville Children’s Choir and served as consultant to the Boyle Country Schools Gifted Program. He was the founder and past president of Boyle Country Habitat for Humanity.”

Obviously, this is a man who understands the concept of multiple profit centers. He’s also someone who values his personal gifts and takes responsibility for sharingthem. Is it any wonder that in the process Bruce also became a fascinating person?

There’s a passage in one of the Gnostic Gospels that says, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, then what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” That’s a powerful reminder of the responsibility we each have for excavating and using our personal treasures. All of them.