A talented and creative young woman I know, who currently lives in Madison, posted a message on Facebook that said, “Wishing I weren’t so hooked on Boulder so I could just move to Minneapolis instead.” I promptly responded saying that since I had lived in both places (and since I was going to be seeing her soon) that I’d like to have a chat with her.
Boulder and Minneapolis were big teachers for me. One was traumatic and the other nurturing. I know there were numerous factors that made one my perfect place and the other a nightmare. Like any other relationship, there’s not always a villian in the story. Sometimes we just make a bad match.
In his wonderful book Actualizations, Stewart Emery eloquently discusses our relationship to our environment. He writes, “If the environmental conditions surrounding our life support our evolution toward self-actualization, we will move in that direction. Let’s state this another way: if you were a willow tree living by a riverside, the environmental conditions of your existence would support your evolution toward becoming a self-actualized willow tree…If, on the other hand, you were a willow tree and you were planted in the desert, the chances of your making it as a self-actualized willow tree would be virtually nil. The environmental condiitons simply wouldn’t allow it.”
Of course, we see this all the time. People who lack education, encouragement, and support don’t even begin to fulfill their potential. However, Emery points out that we have some advantages over the aforementioned willow tree. “A willow tree that finds itself planted in the desert cannot hail a passing yellow cab and ask the driver to take it to the riverside. You and I, on the other hand, can. You and I have within us the creative intelligence to recognize the conditions of existence that support our growth toward self-actualization and we have the wherewithal to place ourselves in such an environment.”
So, obviously, it’s not about Boulder vs. Minneapolis. It’s about knowing how we want to grow ourselves and finding out where that riverbank is—then insisting that we are rooted in it.
And that begins by identifying what we want to become. We can’t stay seated in a cubicle and become a fully actualized entrepreneur. We can’t avoid taking seminars or connecting with other Joyfully Jobless folks and expect our own entrepreneurial spirit to bloom. Or as Quentin Crisp once observed, “It’s no good saying ‘I want to be a ballet dancer’ if you continue to tend your pig farm. By then pigs will have become your style.”
Despite what the old adage says, it’s not always possible to bloom where we are planted, but it is possible to plant ourselves where we can bloom. Sometimes our biggest act of courage is the process we call transplanting.
An entirely different view of where to live (your biggest life decision) is presented in the book “Who’s Your City – by Richard Florida – he believes that among other things the “personality of a city” has a major impact on our sense of place and until we know what we currently need, we can move from city to city and not find our place in the world. An excellent read and well worth the time if any of us are pondering a “next move”.
Susan, Thanks so much for that reminder. I love Florida’s work and was fascinated by Who’s Your City. I didn’t think of it, however, when I was writing this. Glad you remembered it on my behalf.
Can either of you give me an example of how a city transformed you in some way? And how the particular transformation effected a particular decision somehow?
Thanks