What the Perpetually Miserable Can Teach Us

Although I’ve published this before, I came across it and decided that it’s worth a repeat visit. While this may sound like a warning, there are some success tips buried in here.

Should you happen to know someone who is perpetually miserable, this will give you some insight into how they maintain their stance.

There’s a woman who goes walking in my neighborhood every day. What’s so noticeable about her is that she always looks furious.

I have been tempted to holler at her and ask, “Doesn’t your body produce endorphins?” I know that wouldn’t be well received, however.

She’s taken a strong position as one of the perpetually miserable among us and she’s not about to give it up.

I got thinking about such people one day after encountering a miserable looking woman as I was going out of the grocery store. I realized that she wasn’t just having a bad day; this was a permanent state of being for her.

I also concluded that the miserable are really masterful at maintaining their stance. Here’s what they do to keep themselves from wavering:

* Ignore or block out anything that might disturb misery. This is turning selective awareness into an art form.

Good news is not given a second glance. When good fortune does sneak in, turn lemonade into lemons.

* Plant yourself in an environment that fosters misery. Bad relationships and dreadful jobs are great tools for keeping misery alive and well.

The more insufferable the people around, the better.

* Recount tales of misery for anyone who will listen. No matter how long ago it happened, keep the pain alive.

If there’s no one to talk to, mentally go back to the horrors of years gone by. Repetition makes anything stronger.

* Avoid new ideas. What the miserable already know is enough. Besides, new thoughts might cause confusion or, even, contradict cherished beliefs.

* Stifle any impulse to laugh. This is especially important when in a group where others give in to laughter. Let them know that you are not amused.

* Never empathize. If someone else wants to share their misery, just add it to your own bank of evidence, but don’t get sucked into feeling sorry for them.

And under no circumstances show any empathy for the optimists that might slip into your world.

* Hoard. Do not offer compliments or any form of praise. And by all means protect money and possessions from others. Sharing is for idiots.

* Have a Misery Insurance Policy. The most effective is to decide that whatever you have is not enough. This guarantees you’ll remain miserable forever.

Metaphorically Speaking

One of my favorite things about the Un-Job Fair in Denver is that I have an opportunity to hang out with the wonderful Tama Kieves.

In case you haven’t had the pleasure, Tama is the author of the brilliant book This Time I Dance! Her new book, which I am eagerly anticipating, Inspired and Unstoppable, is coming out at the end of August.

As we were catching up with each other, the conversation turned to the subject of book promotion. That led us to talking about tactics which neither of us wish to duplicate.

“I am so tired,” I added, “of the snake oil salesmen who are out there gathering massive followings.”

Tama nodded in agreement and then said, “Barbara Winter. Better than a snake oil salesman.” I laughed and said I liked the sound of that.

“That could be my new tag line,” I suggested. “Actually, I’ve always thought of myself as a lot like Johnny Appleseed, going around, planting seeds, but not sticking around for the harvest.”

As an entrepreneur who is also a passionate storyteller, I am fond of metaphors. Finding the metaphor can often lead to finding clarity or to triggering a fresh idea or point of view.

In case you’ve forgotten, a metaphor is a figure of speech in which an implied comparison is made between two unlike things that actually have something in common.

Creative writing classes often use metaphorical exercises to stimulate innovative thinking. You might hunt some of these exercises down (the Internet is full of them) and use them to jar your imagination.

Or you could create a metaphor (or several) to pull out when you’re asked the question, “So, what do you do?” Let me show you what I mean.

My friend Chris was visiting her local library in the small Connecticut town where she lived. There was one librarian there who had always been especially helpful so my friend made it a point to seek her out when she needed assistance.

After one such occasion, Chris shared her appreciation. The modest librarian smiled and said, “I’m just a waitress in the restaurant of knowledge.”

Pretty memorable metaphor, isn’t it?

So give it a try. What do you do?

And if you come up with a metaphor you love (or that makes you giggle) feel free to share it in the comment section here.

Inspiration Everywhere

Thanks to an ominous noise coming from my front left wheel of my trusty Saturn, I spent my holiday weekend close to home. Although I had no idea what was causing the noise, I kept thinking of a recent caller to Car Talk who had a problem with a front axle. I believe she was warned not to push her luck.

My daughter had recommended Big John’s, a family-owned local shop, so I called them ten minutes after they opened at 7:30 AM. They suggested I come in as soon as possible for a diagnosis, which was exactly what I hoped they’d say.

The men behind the counter at Big John’s were all enormous and enormously tattooed. Most of them sported scraggly beards and jolly smiles.

In the customer seating area there was a sixty-inch tv sporting a duck hunting reality show. I was sorry I’d left in such a hurry that I forgot to grab a book, but noticed a stack of magazines on the coffee table in front of the leather sofa. I was not optimistic that I’d be able to amuse myself.

About ninety percent of the magazines were back issues of Men’s Health or Sports Illustrated. Then I spied Departures, an American Express publication featuring luxury travel.

I decided it was more promising than the other choices, so I began halfheartedly browsing through it. In amongst the ads for expensive watches and hotels, I came across a fascinating story by a writer who had paid a visit to Rumi’s adopted hometown in the south of Turkey.

Yes, that Rumi. The beloved poet, I learned, had been born in what is now Afghanistan, but for most of his adult life lived and wrote in Konya. By the time I finished the piece, I wanted to join the 5,000 pilgrims who visit his tomb every day.

By this time, my car problem was diagnosed and it was, indeed, an axle and bearing causing the racket. I was told it would take about 2 1/2 hours to repair. The jolly man at the counter said, “We’ll let you have the remote for the tv.”

I was feeling pretty jolly myself when he told me my repair was going to come in under $500, about $1000 less than I’d anticipated. I laughed and said I’d call my daughter to come and rescue me.

While I waited for my ride, I decided to browse through another magazine, a thick marketing piece for an MLM company disguised as an issue of Success magazine. It was mostly filled with stories extolling tales of financial freedom distributors of the company had found through their businesses.

I kept turning pages and there at the end was a non-marketing article about the late speaker Jim Rohn. Much of the story was familiar, but at the end of the piece was a glorious tip sheet called something like Jim Rohn’s Seven Steps for Living a Great Life.

One of the tips that got my attention was a call to action.

Rohn said, “Don’t miss the game. Don’t miss the performance, don’t miss the movie, don’t miss the show, don’t miss the dance. Go to everything you possibly can. Buy a ticket to everything you possibly can.”

After my solitary weekend, that was music to my ears (or, literally, eyes). I smiled thinking how inspiration really is every where when you’re open to it, but Rohn wasn’t done with me yet.

“Live a vital life,” Rohn advised. “If you live well, it will show in your face. There will be something unique and magical about you if you live well.”

So I’m happy to report that my car is once again running quietly. And I promised Big John’s I would write a rave review about them on the Car Talk Website so I need to see if I can do so without gushing.

After all, public gratitude for great service is another aspect of living a vital life.

Of course, Rumi knew that, too. “The rule that covers everything is: How you are with others, expect that back.”

I’m guessing the guys at Big John’s demonstrate that everyday. What could be more inspiring than that?

Advice on Getting Advice

As anyone who’s started a business knows, doing so invites an avalanche of unsolicited advice. Obviously, we need advice from those who have experience and information that can help us.

How can you sort the wheat from the chaff?

Rule #1: Consider the Source

The most important thing about receiving advice is that you know your source and trust them.. We’ve all probably allowed false advice to influence us. Sometimes it happens because the advice-giver sounds authoritative and so we look no further.

At other times, maybe out of laziness, we accept negative or discouraging words as an excuse for not giving something a try.

And sometimes we just don’t know if the advice is accurate. (This is a particularly new and thorny problem caused by the Internet where advice is posted but not edited or verified.)

Keep in mind this advice from the Persian poet Rumi: “When setting out on a journey, do not seek advice from someone who has never left home.”

Rule #2 : Get a Second Opinion

While too many opinions or too much advice can serve to confuse, if you’re exploring unknown territory,  serious research is in order before setting out.

Get advice from people who know what they’re talking about—and then get a back-up opinion or two.

Rule #3: Make the Most of It

When you ask advice of another person, your initial role is to be a quiet listener or to ask clarifying questions. Whether or not you act upon the advice is a matter for a later time.

When you’re trying to make a decision or need information so you can proceed with a decision you’ve already made, seeking outside input is just part of the information-gathering process. Sifting comes after you’ve got all the information collected.

The world is full of teachers, experts and amateur advisors—with varying qualifications. Finding the right ones to help you learn what you need to know so you can move forward in your own life is not to be taken lightly.

The experience of others can save us time, add deeper insights, prevent us from making costly mistakes. Ask only those who can help, not hinder, your success.

Rule #4 Look for the Lessons

Pay attention and notice what others are doing.  Or just remember this advice from C.S. Lewis:

Good things as well as bad are caught by a kind of infection. If you want to get warm, you must stand near the fire; if you want to get wet, you must get into the water. If you want joy, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into the thing that has them…They are a great fountain of energy and beauty spurting up at the very center of reality. If you are close to it, the spray will wet you; if you are not, you will remain dry.

13 Ways to Know When It’s Time for Time Away

Despite numerous stories extolling the profound rewards of taking time away, it’s an idea that is not being as heartily embraced as it might be. In fact, many people find the whole notion downright terrifying.

Because the concept of regular sabbaticals throughout our lifetime has been so ignored in recent times, there’s some confusion over what constitutes a true sabbatical.

My definition of sabbatical is time away with a purpose. The purpose of such a time is not to abandon your life, but to enrich it.

In the original concept, first defined in the Old Testament book of Hebrews, a sabbatical was to be taken by everyone, every seven years. During this year off, fields were to lie fallow, debts were to be forgiven, relationships were to be repaired and introspection was encouraged.

Over time, of course, the notion disappeared and today many people don’t even observe a weekly Sabbath, much less consider an entire year of restoration.

Whether you’re in a year divisible by seven or not, here are several signs that it is the perfect time to consider a sabbatical of your own:

° You can’t remember the last time you had a new idea you were excited about.

° You’ve reached all of your goals.

° You’ve reached none of your goals.

° Your kids think you’re a nerd and you suspect they’re right.

° You have a nagging suspicion that you’d be really good at something if you only  had time to learn how to do it.

° You get wistful every time a plane flies overhead.

° Nobody ever asks you what’s new.

° A long-term relationship or career has come to an end.

° You’re ready to find a new hometown.

° You’re tired of being an armchair traveler and want to see distant lands for  yourself.

° You feel drawn to donate your time and talents to a humanitarian cause.

° You need time to do research or start a long-term project.

° Your soul is weary.

If any of these describe you, it’s time to let go of the excuses and get going.

“What I discovered is that when you make the time and the space for what you long to do,” says Sarah Susanka, “everything else shifts to accommodate it. It never works the other way around. If you wait until there’s time to do what you want, you’ll be waiting until your eighty-fifth birthday.”

Small Change, Big Payoff

Janice von Rabe is a woman on a mission to share her passion for football with other women who are perplexed by the game. When she attended the Obstacle-Busting Mastermind in January, she got enthusiastic from the group for her idea to teach seminars demystifying the sport.

Like most new entrepreneurs, Janice is facing some challenges. For starters, she’s a bit of a technophobe. Mention Web sites, Facebook or blogging and her body language changes.

She sometimes shudders when urged to participate in cyberspace. A passerby might think she was being forced to drink castor oil or eat worms.

Every couple of months, Janice drives from her home in Long Beach to have lunch with me. When she arrived last Saturday, she was carrying a colorful striped case which she had adorned with a bright pink fabric flower.

The moment we sat down, she opened the case and whipped out her brand new MacBook Air. Janice was giddy over her new tool, exclaiming, “It thinks like I do!”

She went on to rave over the helpful folks at the Apple store and told me about all the fun she was having with her computer. Obviously, I was listening to a convert.

Two days later, Janice was on the monthly conference call with other participants from the Mastermind. Like the others on the call, she was excited to share her progress.

Mary Anne, one of our Canadian participants, talked about the changes she was making on the road to launching her new enterprise. She began by telling us about the things she was eliminating from her jam-packed schedule.

Both Janice and Mary Anne reminded me that often we have to let go of something before we can move forward. Sometimes it’s an intangible, a limiting belief that keeps us stuck.

Other times it may be a time-consuming obligation that no longer satisfies. Or a computer that doesn’t think the way we do.

Sometimes we just forget that we have to eliminate what we don’t want in order to make room for something more satisfying, more appropriate.

Not making progress the way you’d like? Maybe it’s time to eliminate something.

Take a look at this eye-opening list of The Six Enemies of Greatness (and Happiness) and see if there’s a clue to what needs changing.

 


5 More Great Perks for the Self-employed

After an out-of-town seminar trip, I found myself on an airport shuttle with a young man who asked me where I’d been and what I had been doing on my trip.

When I briefly explained that I taught seminars on creative self-employment, he said, “I’d like to work for myself, but my company gives me great benefits.”

Apparently  I was feeling a bit sassy  that morning. ”My company gives me great benefits, too,” I smiled. “In fact, my  business sends me to Europe whenever I want to go.”

What kind of benefits do you get from your company? My self-employed friends would list things like not having to drive in commuter traffic, being able to work in an office with a well-stocked kitchen nearby or having their cat in their lap as they work. But there’s no need to stop there.

One of the overlooked rewards of working for yourself is the opportunity to create the kinds of benefits that you truly desire. In addition to the ordinary things like health insurance and time off, here are five more perks worth considering.

 * A massage therapist who makes housecalls. Having your massage at home eliminates the stress of driving when it’s over and saves your time, too.

A friend of mine, has her massage therapist come late in the evening so she can go straight to bed for a night of extra sound sleep. Besides that, it’s a little luxury to have your own in-home therapist.

* A medical savings account. Although they’ve been around for a while, HSAs haven’t been particularly  well-publicized.

Essentially, an HSA allows you to put money into a special account to pay out of pocket medical expenses. This money is not taxed, however, and can rollover. Ask your insurance provider if they can help you establish such an account.

* A techie friend who knows more than you do. Actually, I have a team of such friends who patiently coax me into learning new things or answer my questions when I’m stumped.

On the afternoon when I thought I had erased everything in my hard drive, one of them dropped everything and came to my home office to restore order. Everyone needs such a willing friend.

* An accountant who understands small business. It might seem sexy to hire a large accounting firm, but don’t do it if you’re a one-person business.

People trained to handle corporate affairs won’t understand what you’re up to. Instead find an accountant who works from home or from a very small office—one who is self-employed.

* A diary and a photo album. Journals are great for exploring thoughts and ideas, but a diary is a factual running record of your life.

If you can find an old-fashioned 5-year diary and write in it faithfully, you’ll have an on-going account of your growth. It’s also fun to look back at the same date a year or two ago and see what you were doing.

Likewise, a photo album that chronicles your entrepreneurial life will become a treasured reminder of how far you’ve come.

A Marketing Secret Revealed

You might expect a former poet laureate to specialize in melancholy—not to be as funny as a stand-up comedian, but Billy Collins is a funny man who writes poems that appeal even to those who proclaim they don’t like poetry. He may be the only poet whose appearances regularly fill auditoriums.

What Collins has done (wittingly or otherwise) is to employ a powerful marketing tool that for want of a better name I’ll call Just Show Up.

Actually, there is a little more to it than that; let’s call it  Just Show Up With Your Best Self in Tow. Letting people know the person behind your logo is the intention here.

One night when I was channel surfing and stumbled upon a program called Chihuly Over Venice. I knew nothing about Dale Chihuly and even less about how glass art is produced, but by the end of the program I was determined to see as much of his work in person as I possibly could.

Since then, I have made Chihuly pilgrimages to Tacoma, Seattle, Las Vegas, London, Madison, San Francisco and Minneapolis. He, too, makes frequent appearances on public television and at openings of showings of his art.

A born teacher, Chihuly also understands that creativity is creativity, wherever it shows up. He says, “A lot of creativity has to do with energy, confidence and focus. These are the elements for making creative things. It’s probably the same thing whether you’re making a movie, whether you’re an entrepreneur doing business, whether you’re an artist, or whether you’re a gardener or a cook. These are all the same qualities that it takes.”

Susan Harrow is a media coach and public relations specialist who tells aspiring authors, “The most important thing to a publisher is your presence. Good writing can be bought, but publishers want the truth of you connecting to people.”

I’m guessing that many are surprised to hear that an author’s presence gets such high marks, but I had two publishers make offers after attending one of my seminars in New York and determining that I was media ready.

If you understand how important this is, you’ll waste no time hiding out. In fact, you’ll look for ways to make it easy for people to find you.

“Somewhere someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer,” says Louise Hay. Our presence—showing up and being seen—is a marketing tool that should not be overlooked.

You’re a singular production and what you bring to your business will be uniquely and utterly yours alone. Knowing that will give you the added bonus of having more empathy and curiosity for other people.

Reveling in their uniqueness is how successful artists approach their art and how artistic entrepreneurs approach their business.

Or as Julia Cameron so eloquently reminds us, “ Since each of us is one-of-a-kind, the market, for all its supposed predictability, is actually vulnerable to falling in love with any of us at any time.”

But first you’ve got to show up.

7 Ways to Do More With Less

This month I’m going to be a bit more erratic than usual in posting to this blog, but I do want to encourage you to liven things up in your own part of the world.

Even though I no longer live in a place with dramatic seasonal changes, I still find myself thinking of certain activities that seem to go with certain times of the year. Since spring is busting out all over, it’s a perfect time to spruce up your business as well.

Let’s start with some simple ways to spread the word by using your imagination more and your pocketbook less.

“Too much money, not too little, is a bigger problem for most small businesses,” says Paul Hawken. “In a business, money does not create anything at all, much less ideas and initiative. Money goes where those qualities already are. Money follows, it does not lead.”

Here are a few ways to pump up the initiative.

° Create attention-getting devices. Your business name, tagline, or vehicle call all get you noticed for the right reasons. If you need inspiration, study how the Geek Squad did it.

° Adopt a protégé. Since we learn best by teaching, what better way to sharpen your skills than by helping someone else? The satisfaction of encouraging and supporting someone else’s success is immeasurable.

Ask any teacher who’s had a student go on to do great things.

° Become a media darling. Radio, tv and Internet programs are always on the hunt for interesting people to interview. So are local newspapers. Be one.

Don’t just think of this as a way to promote yourself, however. Offer useful information to the audience. You never know who’s listening.

° Join forces with a bookstore. A friend and I once spent an evening at a local bookstore listening to two women who were feng shui consultants. Although they were not authors themselves, the store had publicized their talk. A nearby table display was piled with the store’s inventory of books on the subject.

Another variation of this came from a career coach who did a reading list of books for career changes printed on her letterhead. The list was placed on a display table at the bookstore along with the recommended titles.

° Add a personal touch. In this noisy, often indifferent world, looking for memorable ways to distinguish yourself can make a huge difference. Use your photo on brochures and your Website, have a trademark color, do something that nobody else is doing…like sending handwritten thank you notes.

° Show up on stage. Give talks to local groups, volunteer to be part of a panel discussion at a conference. You may not get paid for these gigs, but you’ll be creating connections.

° Participate in community events. A dogsitting business expanded their visibility and customer base by marching in a local parade wearing t-shirts emblazoned with their business name.

You might donate a prize to a local fundraiser, volunteer for a community project, talk to a local high school on career day. Opportunities exist whether you live in a small town or large urban area. Look for them.

8 Delightful Lessons Self-employment Can Teach Us

Everyday people post pithy quotes and sayings on their Facebook page. Last week one of them really jumped out at me. It said:

 I’m not telling you

it will be easy.

I’m telling you

it will be worth it.

For years, I’ve been telling anyone who will listen that one of the rewards of self-employment is that it gives us an excuse to be a lifelong learner. As we all know, learning something new isn’t usually easy.

What can self-employment teach us? Well, for starters there are the nuts and bolts of running a business. As fascinating as that can be, that’s not the best part.

Here are some of the learning gifts that come when we set up shop: We learn:

° To think creatively. Inc. magazine founder Bernie Goldhirsh used to remind his writers that entrepreneurs are artists and business is their canvas. Building a business that we love keeps our imagination on high alert.

We discover that imagination isn’t idle daydreaming. It’s a power tool.

° To be an enthusiastic problem-solver. While others may see problems as a bother or, even, a punishment, the self-employed see opportunities in finding solutions to the problems that are theirs to solve.

Just today, Selina Barker reminded me of this in a wonderful piece she wrote on Playing the Money Game . Her story is a case study in how the self-employed tackle problems.

° It’s okay to be uncomfortable. Charles Kingsley, a writer in the Victorian era, said, “We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements in life when all that we need to be really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.”

The successfully self-employed are willing to be uncomfortable when it’s leading to greater good.

° The joy of expansion. The world is full of incredible shrinking people whose lives get tinier and tinier as the years go by. The self-employed, on the other hand, opt for living in a bigger world, extending their boundaries, reveling in new experiences.

° Right livelihood is fun. The Buddhists, who brought us this concept, pointed out that one characteristic of right livelihood is that the work becomes more, not less, interesting the longer we do it. The folks who have discovered their right livelihood and turned it into a business seem to be having the most fun of all.

Pay attention when you encounter someone who is truly, madly, deeply in love with what they are bringing to the world.

° Personal responsibility is heady stuff. Are there times when we wish there was someone else to blame? Probably.

When we make a commitment to creating a business that grows and prospers, we accept all the twists and turns in the journey.

° To ask better questions. The dreambashers among us may challenge any new ideas with, “How are you going to do that?”. The self-employed learn that the quality of the question does, indeed, determine the quality of the answer. Asking idea-generating questions is a worthwhile pursuit—and a fine art to master.

° That we can become more than we thought. Our business gives us the evidence, year in and year out. We notice that situations that once were a challenge now are faced with ease and, even, joy.

As we gain experience and our confidence grows, we uncover gifts and talents that have been lying dormant, waiting to be recognized and put to use.

Most importantly, we discover what M.C. Richards meant when she said, “All the arts we practice are apprenticeship. The big art is our life.”