Most of the people who take time to send me messages are kind and have wonderful stories to share so I was startled to receive an e-mail last week that was downright mean-spirited.\u00a0\u00a0Here\u2019s what happened.<\/p>\n
In the midst of an otherwise very nice day, I received a snarky message from a woman I know only via Facebook. She had sent me a previous message, I had responded, and she didn\u2019t like my reply.<\/p>\n
Not only that, she didn\u2019t like some other things I\u2019d said and done and she wasn\u2019t about to miss this opportunity to let me know. (You may have had this sort of argument with a sibling or partner who suddenly recalls offenses from years past.)<\/p>\n
The gist of this rant was, \u201cI admired you, but I\u2019m disappointed to see that you\u2019re a mere mortal.\u201d It would be accurate to say that I was blindsided by her nastiness (not my own flawed humanity) .<\/p>\n
I responded immediately, apologized, told her that any offense I\u2019d given was totally unintended, etc. etc. I sincerely meant what I said.<\/p>\n
Long after the return message was sent, \u00a0I noticed I was growing increasingly upset. I wanted to defend myself, prove I was a good person. You know the drill.<\/p>\n
Shortly thereafter, she wrote back saying she felt much better after my explanation. My reaction? \u201cI\u2019m glad you feel better. I feel like crap.\u201d The damage had been done.<\/p>\n
Normally, I refuse to let the negativity of others impact my own peace of mind so I was even more surprised that I reacted so strongly.\u00a0I decided to take a vow of silence for the rest of the day and contemplate what had happened.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Now I\u2019m not suggesting that we should keep our opinions or displeasures to ourselves, but something was amiss in this situation. Apparently, what I’d said to begin with wasn’t at all what she heard.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Obviously, I had flunked Communication 101. I wondered if I should reconsider my policy about not using emoticons.<\/p>\n
Once I calmed down, I took a look at what I\u2019d learned. Here\u2019s what I found:<\/p>\n
1. Being mean does not equal being persuasive.\u00a0<\/p>\n
2. E-mail may not be the most reliable method for important\u00a0communication. Things get lost or the recipient may be\u00a0overwhelmed at the moment an e-mail arrives. Even more\u00a0common is that intention doesn\u2019t always travel well.\u00a0<\/p>\n
3. Writing in the heat of the moment or during an upset may\u00a0provide emotional release, but not necessarily accomplish\u00a0the desired result.<\/p>\n
4. Losing a friend, ally or connection does not enrich our lives.<\/p>\n
5. When in doubt, ask for clarification.\u00a0<\/p>\n
As children, we learned that sticks and stones could break our bones, but words can never harm us. That may be good self-defense on the playground, but it\u2019s also false.<\/p>\n
Words have enormous power to heal, hurt, encourage, discourage, elate or deflate.\u00a0There\u2019s a marvelous book that came out a few years ago called The Right Words At the Right Time <\/em><\/strong>that illustrates this beautifully.<\/p>\n It\u2019s a collection of essays from mostly famous people who talk about a moment in their lives when they were feeling doubt or frustration and someone stepped in and turned things around. With their words.\u00a0<\/p>\n So I\u2019ll leave you with some new favorite words of mine which come from Dr. Frank Crane: \u201cThe Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Most of the people who take time to send me messages are kind and have wonderful stories to share so I was startled to receive an e-mail last week that was downright mean-spirited.\u00a0\u00a0Here\u2019s what happened. In the midst of an otherwise very nice day, I received a snarky message from a woman I know only…<\/p>\n