There’s a woman who goes walking in my neighborhood every day. What’s so noticeable about her is that she always looks furious. I have been tempted to holler at her and ask, “Doesn’t your body produce endorphins?” I know that wouldn’t be well received, however. She’s taken a strong position as one of the perpetually miserable among us and she’s not about to give it up.
I got thinking about such people one day after encountering a miserable looking woman as I was going out of the grocery store. I realized that she wasn’t just having a bad day; this was a permanent state of being for her. I also concluded that the miserable are really expert at maintaining their stance. Here’s what they do to keep themselves from wavering:
* Ignore or block out anything that might disturb misery. This is turning selective awareness into an art form. Good news is not given a second glance. When good fortune does sneak in, turn lemonade into lemons.
* Plant yourself in an environment that fosters misery. Bad relationships and dreadful jobs are great tools for keeping misery alive and well. The more insufferable the people around, the better.
* Recount tales of misery for anyone who will listen. No matter how long ago it happened, keep the pain alive. If there’s no one to talk to, mentally go back to the horrors of years gone by. Repetition makes anything stronger.
* Avoid new ideas. What the miserable already know is enough. Besides, new thoughts might cause confusion or, even, contradict cherished beliefs.
* Stifle any impulse to laugh. This is especially important when in a group where others give in to laughter. Let them know that you are not amused.
* Never empathize. If someone else wants to share their misery, just add it to your own bank of evidence, but don’t get sucked into feeling sorry for them. And under no circumstances show any empathy for the optimists that might slip into your world.
* Hoard. Do not offer compliments or any form of praise. And by all means protect money and possessions from others. Sharing is for idiots.
* Have a Misery Insurance Policy. The most effective is to decide that whatever you have is not enough. This guarantees you’ll remain miserable forever.
What a wonderful article!!!
I know quite a few people who should be reading this…although *they* would believe it was meant for real and not ironically !
So far I have never left a comment, but every time a new post turns up I find myself glued to the screen.
The way you write about big or small things in life and their effect on self-bossers is just brilliant! Keep up the good work!!
Mille grazie 🙂
Mary
Thank you so much, Mary. Yes, that article was so fun to write and since there’s kind of a commitment theme in my posts this week, it seemed a good example to include. Do feel free to leave comments again!
Hi Barbara, I read this when you posted it but came back today because just this morning I had a “familial” experience with someone who thrives on misery. Whew! Thank goodness for you and so many others because I have needed all the help I can get to deflect the dark cloud that was thrown at me this morning by cell phone!!! I myself could not live in such a miserable place. I like the point of view you took in your article and it helped me to have a better sense of humor about it! I’m smiling now. Onward ’til morning!
Love, Jane
As you might imagine, this article has gotten quite a response. I’ve been thinking that when we let the miserable remain that way (what choice do we have?) we actually contribute to their perverted happiness. So amuse yourself thinking that you made your miserable relative’s day.